Thursday, August 29, 2013

I Am Obsessed

This blog has totally turned away from my crafting adventures. Honestly I have not set foot into my craft room in I don't how long. Maybe one day I can get back to that outlet but with school, kids, and work it will probably be a little while. In the mean time this has turned into my venting space.

I realized today I am obsessed with a lot of things randomly. I am currently burning myself out on Marley's Mellow Mood Green Tea with Honey.












I will never be tired of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon together it is just a cure for all that worries me somehow. It is just an unexplainable obsession. Seriously though is there anyone who doesn't find them amazing together? Is it just me?
Finally, I have to admit as much as I love country music and the tones of all Gary Allan's songs and the way Tyler Farr says "I'm about to get my pissed of on" in Redneck Crazy, I have a new music obsession. As much as I am terribly ashamed to say it especially after his...whatever the fresh hell that was...with Miley Cyrus, it is Robin Thicke's album, I like it, most of it, I skip a couple tracks. The way I feel about track 8 though, Go Stupid 4 U is the same way Chloe feels about David Guetta's Titanium. TMI? Whoops.
 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I Make Changes

I just went through and deleted quite a few blog drafts I have started over the past few months. There were posts about kids making fun of my child with a developmental delay at the gym and how my other children stand up for him and finding out they have lost friends at school because they stood their ground against kids teasing not only their brother but other kids in his special needs class. It made me both proud and sad at the same time. There was an angry post over stretch marks and some stupid Facebook and Instagram posts about how if this woman's body can look like this after kids you have no excuse. No, no mine can't, I have stretch marks all over from 4 kids in 6 years, no matter how hard I try that will not change. Also, I am not necessarily proud of them they are just part of how I got the amazing little people that I am proud of. My stretch marks are ugly to me (I don't care about anyone elses I just don't like mine). I am all for working out and eating right. I don't care about fat, skinny, muscular whatever. Are you healthy? I am working on it. I want to be fit for my health first, but I also feel like my frame looks better with out sooooo much weight on it as well. Which brings me to the next deleted post. I want to feel beautiful. I know my sweet, sweet girlfriends will tell me I don't see what they see, but they see me different because they love me. I want to be beautiful to everyone ME. Maybe if I felt beautiful I would feel better in general. Which leads right into the last deleted post, my divorce. That's right Mr. Clean and I called it quits after almost 12 years of marriage. There is so much I could rant on about there, confidence, jealousy, possessiveness, anger, depression...but really what is the point anymore.
Why didn't I post them? I don't know. Maybe they hurt too much. Maybe it was too personal, although anyone who talks to me for more than five minutes gets an earful from me. While I am not exactly an open book I am an open Cliff Note. I still have my secret thoughts though. Things only one or two people know, some thing's no one in the world knows. I have to have something left to say when I run out of all that other stuff. As much as I don't like how much I share sometimes I know why I do it. I want to be known. I want someone to know me. That I love shoes but hate wearing them, I like inexpensive flowers seeing a $50 bunch of roses die stresses me out but a grocery store bunch of wildflowers would make my day, I would rather be cold than hot, I can't watch embarrassing things on TV, I can't say dirty words, I am 31 but cannot bring myself to say the other words for kitty or rooster to save my life, while I am known as a prude in public I have four kids and a collection of 6 inch heels, you do the math, as much as I love musicals my all time favorite movie is actually Big Fish, I found myself decorating my whole house in the black, white, and red combo like my bedroom and had to rethink everything, I love organizing things but have the hardest time staying organized. Well that is enough about me, what about you?