I Have a Special Needs Child

There are times I feel like I am failing as a mother. Sometimes think I am an awesome mom. At times I feel overwhelmed with four kids. Other times I bask in the beautiful chaos. 

Sometimes I don't care my son has a developmental disability....

Sometimes I say "he is who he is". I cheer every small triumph. I remember that the baby they prepared me to never walk or talk, walks and talks. I don't care that not everyone understands him or that his movements are stiff. I am blinded by his big smile, gorgeous eyes, that big kind heart and he can do no wrong (well almost). 

Sometimes I care a lot. I cry because he isn't able to do things the way my other kids do. That he has less options and has to work three times as hard as other kids. I get angry when the speech lady tells me "he physically is unable to make the k sound so we are moving on from it". I feel physical pain when my own family says he won't get married and have children, because he talks about when he has babies and he wants to marry the beautiful little girl in his class. 

Sometimes I am overflowing with gratitude for the village I have helping me raise my kids. The grandparents, aunts, uncles and close friends who always have my back and never let us fail. 

 

Sometimes I am jealous of other moms...

Moms who don't have to deal with what we have, I don't even mean moms of "typically" developing kids. I am jealous of other moms of kids with special needs. (Not sure jealous is the right word but I will leave it there until I find the right word to express my feeling, if there is one) The moms of kids with a true diagnosis. Who know why their child is different and have support groups and communities to back them up. They have other moms who have been there.

 

My son doesn't have a true diagnosis. The geneticists, neurologists, pediatricians, the physical, occupational and speech therapists, the mounds of other medical staff we have met with all agree he has a genetic disorder. He has very specific structural abnormalities. He is consistently two and half years behind intellectually and emotionally. There is something definitely "wrong". Yet they found no mental retardation on their scans and every single type of test some of the best geneticist in our state threw at him all came back negative. Finally they sat me down and said he has something that probably only one a million people have, that there is "nothing left to test for". Nothing left. No answers. Nothing to research. Nothing to prepare us for what to expect as he grows and changes. Just nothing. 

He is who he is. One in a million. That's ok...sometimes. 

  

 

I Have to be Beautiful

It's no secret I struggle with confidence. When people tell me I am beautiful I feel embarrassed like they are saying it out of pity or something. I have to find it in my myself, but not just for myself. I gave birth to four of the best looking kids in the world. Two boys and two girls. 

My oldest daughter made me realize I had to stop talking about body image with words like fat and skinny and use the word healthy instead. Still that didn't change my own self image. My second daughter is making me do that. Every single day she looks more like me. From her scrunchy medium sized nose, big cheeks that make her eyes squint when she smiles, to her slightly pushed back jawline, to her squishy arms and sturdy legs to her perfect little oddly shaped toes. She is my mini-me and she is so beautiful. She is one of the prettiest girls in the whole world. She lights up a room and makes my heart swell when she smiles. The way she looks at me a grins when people tell her she looks like her mama. How proud she is to look like me. Like me, the woman who picks herself apart until there is nothing worthwhile left. Who until recently had to fight back tears when some took her picture. Who makes noises of disgust when she looks in the mirror. If I am saying how unattractive I am, how I don't like how I look and think I am not worthwhile what am I telling her? What will she start to hear when people tell her she looks like me? She needs to hear that her mom is beautiful and she is beautiful. So that's it, I just have to be beautiful. Wish me luck figuring that one out!!

I Have Broken Buttons

I find it so fascinating the steps that happen in a bad break up. Usually the worst break ups were once intense, passionate relationships. When things went bad, they went very bad, and you find yourself hating the other person with as much passion as you once loved them. Then one day, it all stops. The feelings end. You just don't even care anymore. That person could stand in front of you pushing all the buttons they have worn out over the years. It won't work though, those buttons are finally broken. For moment, you are sad that it doesn't hurt because at least you felt something for them, as odd as it sounds. This is your starting point. Now you realize you get to choose how you feel, how you react to life is no longer side tracked by a button pusher. Every once in awhile, if your button pusher is very dedicated they will find one that if pushed hard enough will still work. Acknowledge it hurts, move on and realize that button pusher is just an ass. At least in my experience.

I Organize Hair Accessories

 My girls can never ever find anything. They have my issue of putting something away somewhere "safe" and then not remembering where that place is. I am also pretty convinced there is a troll that leaves things in my way when I don't need them then makes them disappear the second I do need them.
One of my goals this week is to get my princesses organized well enough that they may avoid these issues as they grow up. I only hope it is not too late. So today I made them a place to keep all their hair accessories.

 There are a million and one tutorials for headband storage on Pinterest, you can find them here. I am adding mine to the mix. If you follow my blog you know I have a crazy amount of fabric on my hands. You may also know I really only make instant oatmeal, however there was a Nesquick can awaiting recycling. I gathered my fabric (choose something that won't show the can through cause that is ugly), my spray mount that I use to make double sided paper for my custom pinwheels, scissors and can. Cut your fabric big enough to cover the can and edges of can.




 I am not exactly a fan of ironing but it is really worth it to press your edges and make sure the surface it free of wrinkles.

 

 I used the hot glue gun to attach the fabric at the edge so I didn't have to worry about spraying and positioning at the same time. Then I took it outside and used to piece of old cardboard to prevent any over spray (this stuff is STINKY and STICKY). Little by little I sprayed, pulled tight and smoothed. It is adjustable for roughly the first 20 seconds. I recommend giving the can a pre spray. I over sprayed on the first line and it bled through the fabric. Luckily it dried fairly well and was along the seam which will be placed against the wall anyway. The fabric I chose by chance is incredibly forgiving for this project.

Ugly over spray mark right after it happened.

By the time I finished the rest of the can and brought it in the spot was almost all gone. Then I hot glued the other seam, overlapping the fabric.











Same with the edges along the top and bottom. Going little by little around the bottom, glue and press, glue and press. Keep in mind this is the bottom and you want to sit flat.

The Nesquick can has a little lip around the top which I actually like because I could glue under the lip and press the fabric along the under side so you couldn't see the edge when you look down into it.

Here it is finished and on their dresser. Inside are their hairbrushes and a few clips, and their headbands fit perfect with out stretching!

 

I Make Scratch Clay

I loved scratch art as a kid. Coloring the page with bright colors then wearing out a black crayon on top of it. I was reminded of this after seeing a pin on Pinterst (I am obsessed and I feel no shame in it) where they stuck stickers on a picture then painted it black and pealed the stickers off . At the same time I have been missing my clay and I need to use it up so I can get more! Hence the birth of scratch clay. If some else has done it I have not seen it. So here is my experiment!

Bright clay works best in my opinion!

Looks like chewed gum art to me  I would never do chewed gum art for the record. I think it is unsanitary.

This a clay pasta roller machine thing. You can just roll out the clay but this makes life easier and I like easier life. Best $25 I have spent on crafting stuff.

Put your fake gum art in the machine or roll it out  until it is good and stuck and colorful  cut out your shapes.

If you want holes for hanging it is best to do that before it bakes I baked them before I added the black.Bake according to the package (275 for 10min)

Take really thin black clay and cover your piece completely

Start scratching

or stamping

You can use whatever you have to remove the black clay from the top. Try not to scar the underside.

Baked again and sprayed with mod podge to seal and make shiny!

All the pictures are from the very first time I tried this. The zebra looks more like a kangaroo but over all I am happy with how they turned out.

I Make Socks (Kinda)

I'm back! No for real this time. I finally found something I could not justify waiting until my craft room was clean and beautiful for ( I have a feeling Mr. Clean would not agree but what can I do). Lace socks!

What I saw on pintrest

I saw these on Pintrest and loved them but the link just sent me around in circles back to Pintrest. When I tried to google them I never found that exact pair and what I did find were upward of $30 and not as cute. I don't know about you all but even if I had the money I am not sure I pay $30 for socks. So here we go!

Has anyone seen my glue gun?

Shoe liner from Target. I felt this style would stay put best.

Lace is from an ugly sleeve I ripped off of my pirate Halloween costume

Strip of hot glue. Best to use the kind for fabric for a better hold.

Matched up seem to seem

With shoe

With out shoe 

Could work with flats (not these of course and wow I need a tan)

Looks NOTHING like the pic I know. I should have used flat lace and not bunched. However I feel like it is a good starting point. Plus these cost me less than $5! I think I will try a different type of shoe liner and different laces and ribbons.

Why I Don't Sew

So I am starting a blog?!? What on earth am I thinking. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately mostly about crafting and homemaking. Then I was thinking about starting a blog because I used to love to write and I actually like typing. The final push was someone on facebook putting up a status telling all her friends they should write blogs and she would read them. So I better have a least one view on here!
 I am trying to find that thing I am good at, that something I can do that not everyone else and their mom can do. I will be 30 this year shouldn't have figured that out already. Yes, except I spent my 20s popping out four kids (obviously I can do that real well). Now that my crazy,demanding, hyper, amazing kids are getting a little older (9,6,5&2) and I don't have change diapers any more (9 WHOLE YEARS LATER) I am back to looking for my "thing". Not that I have extra time now or anything. My neat freak , clean it now, darling husband is going to think I am nuts. I am sure my laundry monster is breeding because that pile keeps getting bigger and bigger. I could be mopping but honestly I don't even know if I own a mop any more. Both dogs need major training but I trained the kids shouldn't Mr. train the dogs? Whatever I am blogging anyway!
So why I named my blog I Don't Sew is because I don't sew. Clever right. I don't sew because my sewing machine hates my guts. Every time I touch it it breaks. Others come over to fix it, get it working, leave and guess what? Yah it starts acting like a *you know what* again. I have a strange need to be crafty so I am exploring all other methods of crafting that do not require sewing. This blog is going to be all about that exploration hopefully I find all this cool stuff, invent some stuff of my own, get discovered, become slightly famous (enough to go to all the fun events but not be mauled as I walk down the street) and say ha ha to those who told me I need to get a "real job".